A mother's quandary: how do I raise a good man? one who won't behave like those #&$! in Virginia?

Up until recently, I've kept my political self and mommy self somewhat separate.  It's hard to take in all of the political hating that's been going on these days and be a loving, attentive mommy.  So, I've compartmentalized those two selves.  Until now.

In Virginia legislature, there have been some pretty despicable bills being filed (and passed!) Need catching up?  One of them will redefine rape, lessening the offense for old men who sleep with young girls.  Awesome.  Or the one that requires a transvaginal ultrasound for women seeking an abortion.  Great.  There are more.  They are disgusting.  As I've worked through the shock and horror of all of this woman hating, I'm left with a few questions:

1.  What should I do as a woman?  That's kind of easy.  Make my voice heard.  Support the women in Virginia (and other places too, like Missouri).  Any one know good organizations?  I want to support them.

2. Why do these ass clowns want in my vagina so badly?  I'd like to warn them that my husband will jiu jitsu their asses.  Seriously though, please get out of my vagina.  And to their mothers, wives, sisters and daughters, to their fathers, husbands, brothers and sons, could you encourage them to please get out of my vagina?  Thanks.

3. Most importantly, and most difficult, what should I do as a mom?  How can I raise a good man who will opt to love over hate, who will respect people like him and people who aren't like him, who will understand that he has had incredible privilege, and instill the responsibility/value to help and empower those who have less?

Any ideas?  Things that your parents, friends, cousins did or do?  Things that you are doing?  This political mommy would love to hear them.

One final word, a shout out to my home state on the other side of the Potomac: we're celebrating gay marriage bills passing the House & Senate.  w00t! w00t!

eating with ollie: questions about food

life with ollie has become quite a delight - smiles and giggles, chattering and singing.  he's a high energy little dude and i love that (most of the time).  and he's quite a comedian, quick to take in and make jokes.  our time together is so sweet and fun.

lately, ollie has been feeding himself little bits of food.  it's hilarious, as you can see, and he's quite into it.  until recently, ollie's been eating fruit, vegetables and some grains.  at our 9 month appointment the doctor noted that it was time to introduce protein into ollie's diet and this raised some questions for us.

right now, logan eats a vegan diet and i eat about 95% vegan.  i eat milk chocolate and occasionally cheese or yogurt or some meat.  but mostly, i eat grains and fruit and vegetables.  so the question is what should we feed ollie.

logan raised the question months ago, early in his vegan days.  at that time, i suggested that he should eat like me (70% vegan, 20% vegetarian, 10% carnivore).  since then though, my eating has shifted closer and closer to veganism.  so eating like me isn't the same thing.  it's almost vegan.

i asked our doctor about it.  she didn't seem judgemental: she admitted she didn't know enough to advise us and she suggested we talk to a nutritionist.  she did ask some questions, but they were pragmatic: what kind of milk would we switch to when he stopped breastfeeding?  what kinds of snacks would we offer?  she noted that her kids ate lots and lots of dairy.  she suggested that he could continue drinking breastmilk instead of transitioning to cow's milk.

there isn't a lot of info out there about a vegan diet for little kids, which makes me uncomfortable.  it isn't helped by the results of googling baby and vegan diet.  apparently there were some kooks killed their newborn by feeding the teeny one soymilk and applesauce.  who does that?  anyway, PETA needs to do some work on that google search because it's pretty awful.

but over the past few years, veganism has gotten a lot of great press: lots of public figures are eating vegan (Alec Baldwin & Bill Clinton, Mac Danzig & Carl Lewis), and the documentary & book Forks over Knives (streaming on Netflix) have gotten great reviews.  even the USDA has agreed it's a healthy way to eat!   i saw the documentary and read some of the books & studies and they are compelling.  so compelling that i'm eating 95% vegan.  but making a decision for myself is different than making it for my child.

i've heard folks argue that people shouldn't choose for their child whether he/she eats meat or not; they should allow the child to make that decision.  of course, i find that ridiculous.  i'm going to make LOTS of decisions about my son's nutrition (no soda, no fast food, we're staying away from canned food, we prefer organic,  et al.) and i'm comfortable with that.  it's just that babies can be finicky and selective and i want to make sure that we can provide appropriate nutrition for him and his tastes.

for now, we're doing a little dairy (we found that ollie loves yogurt) and we're looking for a nutritionist to consult.  more on to vegan or not to vegan as we continue to learn.

going, going, gone

well, there's no leaving ollie unattended for a minute anymore.  this little guy is on the move.  while he's not crawling yet, ollie has perfected the inchworm scoot.  2 weeks ago, i watched as he scooted his way from one side of our bed to the other.  it was amazing, but marked a new era.  this little guy needs to be under my watchful eye all the time now.

Ollie checks out his new mobile

and this isn't the only change that's happened.  ollie has moved into his own place!  well, his own room.  he is now residing in his crib with the lambs and a sweet new mobile.  i thought this was going to be a hurdle of sorts, but really, the only one hurdling anything was me leaping over my anxiety.  i'd gotten very accustomed to ollie's constant presence and i miss him when he's not at my side.

which brings us to our next change.  ollie is going to start daycare in 2 weeks.  this week, he'll go for 2 2-hour stays.  and the following week, he'll start going 2 full days a week.  i've had a few breakdowns about this: i don't want a stranger caring for my child.  i don't want him to be so far from me.  i don't want to miss out on anything.

the reality is that he's been incredibly engaged by daycare during our visits - by the staff and more, the other kids.  i think that he'll really enjoy having some buddies.  it's just mom that needs to get used to it.

we'll see how next week goes.  more on the upcoming changes then.

Mom, I only have eyes for you (and by you, I mean your boobs)

Ollie is 12 weeks now, decked out in a
shirt crafted by our friend Kate Coventry.

Well, we have encountered a new hurdle in our efforts to feed baby Ollie - he's started to refuse a bottle.  In the first weeks of life, we got the okay to start bottle feeding Ollie to give my breasts a break.  I was pumping anyway to get my supply up.  So, a couple of times a day, Ollie would get a bottle.  It was great because Logan and grandmas all got to feed Ollie.  By 8 weeks though, I could handle all the feedings, so we cut way back on bottle feeding.  I know now that this was a mistake.

Because then it happened.  Ollie just said no to the bottle.

After a few tries & rejections, we went to the internet & our lactation consultant to get some help.  The frustrating thing is that the most frequent & stressed suggestion is that Mom needs to absent herself.  Spending my days with Ollie, I feel like I'm best placed to work with him, but I did it.

And it helped.  Ollie took a bottle from my mom.  We thought that we were in business.  And then he rejected it from us (me and Logan).

So, we spent the week working with Ollie.  This stuff is really hard because the last thing in the world anyone wants to do is see their baby cry.  And that bottle could really make him cry.  I would try and give it to him, not pushing it for feeding, but just trying to get him to take it.  There was lots of cooing and cajoling and congratulations every time he would take it.  Logan continued to try and do feedings, but didn't have great success.

We were working hard because Logan's parents were coming to visit and Logan and I had planned a night out for our anniversary.  I was so reluctant to leave Ollie if he wouldn't take a bottle -- I didn't want my little guy to go hungry -- that I cried on the way to meet my husband.  It was purely emotional.  Intellectually, I knew Ollie would be fine, but apparently, my brain doesn't win in every situation.

Needless to say, I was so relieved to get the text that Ollie took a bottle from Logan's mom and was snoozing away.  In fact, he bottle fed a few times during their visit!  Since, he's done a couple of short feedings with his dad.  Not major eating, but it's progress.  Hopefully, in a few weeks, he'll be a bottle feeding pro again.  It's important because we're hoping to start daycare part-time in the next couple of months.  I've been told that tenacity is the name of the game.  Let's hope we can keep it up!

Always beating the odds

At 2 months, Ollie is 11 lb. 14 oz & 23.5"

You know that woman at the pharmacy?  The one with the crying baby, the ponytail coming loose, and the bags under her eyes.  You kind of feel sorry for her, but maybe you're annoyed by her too?  No one likes to hear a crying baby.  Yeah, today that was me.  You see, Ollie got his first round of vaccinations.

I sat in the doctor's office listening as the doctor gave me dosing instructions for children's tylenol, just in case we needed to use it.  She went on to say that only 20% of babies run a fever in response to the shots.  That should have been my first cue.

You see in this house, we're really good at beating the odds.  Everyone told us Ollie would be late.  The doctor started prepping me for an induction well before our due date.  Yet, little Ollie came early.  All the books and classes stressed that a woman's water does not usually break in advance of contractions -- Hollywood had it wrong, they said -- and then my water broke in advance of the contractions.

So, I really should have listened more carefully when the doctor said, "That means most babies don't run a fever.  Hopefully, that's Oliver."  Oh, and note to self: next time the doctor is giving you instructions for meds your child might need, GO BUY THE MEDS.  For some reason, it didn't occur to me that we'd really need them, or maybe I thought that I'd have some kind of notice.  Ollie would text me, "OMG! Starting to feel bad. Go get meds!"  But he didn't and I didn't.

Instead, he woke up from a nap screeching in pain - he had a low grade fever and the vaccination site was red and swollen.  And I wasn't prepared.  After comforting him for a while, I realized we were going to need the meds, packed him up and off we went.  Luckily, he found the car soothing and there wasn't much crying until we got into the store.  I raced off to the pharmacy, located the pain relievers and found that they don't keep kid meds with adult meds.  I yelled questions at the poor guy behind the counter until I found what I needed and headed up front.  Of course, there was a long line and lots of people there to hear and see me bouncing my child in a car seat, chatting with him, and when those things didn't work, starting to recite, "Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?" from memory.

And as if there wasn't enough for me to be embarrassed about, as I left the store, I stepped in a big puddle, a big, gross puddle of warm liquid in the parking lot of the CVS.  Ugh!

On the bright side, Ollie is doing well - he's putting on weight like a champ (11 lb. 14 oz.) and keeps growing taller (23.5"); it looks like he's going to be tall and thin like his dad.  And after 2 doses of tylenol, lots of cuddling, and a couple of readings of "Mr. Brown," he's finally asleep.

I showered and other achievements from babyland

Ollie weighed in today at 9lbs. !

well, ollie is just about one month now and im starting to feel like myself again, albeit a less energetic, crankier version of myself, but myself nonetheless.  its shocking how quickly the first few weeks flew by.  really, i feel like i just got home with him a week ago.

so, i thought that i'd start a mommy/baby blog to document ollie's first months of life and my first months as a mom.  in fact, this week was my first week at home with ollie by myself and i find myself learning new things every day.  for example, yesterday i showered!  it doesn't sound like much of an achievement, but it sure did feel like one.  ollie doesn't sleep reliably during the day.  he gets tired, but doesn't want to sleep in his bed.  so there have been a number of days that i've spent snuggling a sleepy baby in my arms.  i'm not complaining - he gets fussy, but has been very soothable - but it does make showering difficult.

yesterday, i got him down in bed for a whopping 15 minutes, long enough for me to get a shower.  i can't tell you how nice that shower was, and i felt victorious.

my colleague told me that the first months of being a parent are spent figuring out how to do everything in your life with a baby and that's what i'm finding.  yesterday the shower, today the grocery store.  life's an adventure.