Monday, June 13, 2011

What I Wish I Knew About Early Motherhood



Look at those chubby legs!
on saturday, ollie & i went to the farmers market.  we picked up our csa (ollie loves supporting local agriculture!) and one of the staff there engaged us in conversation.  she too is a mom and her babe is about 1 1/2 years old now.  she asked me how things were going and then quickly said, "it gets better.  it gets much better."  i worry about what my face conveyed to her, because my words were all positive.  still, early motherhood is challenging.  i haven't been a mom for very long - only 6 weeks - but there are already some things that i really wish that i knew ahead of time.  i don't know if knowing these things would've changed my experience, but i still wish that i had known.


1. overachievers beware: motherhood cannot be aced.  

i like to do things well.  really well.  and better than other people.  i take great pride in my work and took great pride in my school work.  i went to graduate school full-time while working full-time and made sure that my grades were stellar.  after i took up running, i decided that i needed to run a marathon.  when i do something, i want to do it as well as i possibly can.  this attitude is great in the workplace and at school, but is not helping me so much now.  in fact, i think it's making things tougher.  i find myself questioning things every day because i want to do everything perfectly.  but it's hard to be a perfect consoler or breast feeder or swaddler.  and while doctors and friends can offer suggestions, the reality is that ollie and i need to figure out what he needs and what makes him feel safe and happy.  and more frustrating still - those needs and wants are going to change and change and change.  perfection just doesn't live here.  so, i'm trying to let go of my overachiever attitude some.  i think it's healthy to want to be a good mom, but striving to be a perfect mom is making me insecure.  i just don't think that motherhood can be aced.


2.  breast feeding can be really hard.  

i know that i'm not supposed to say that and i'm sure that it isn't true for everyone, but it's too true for me not to mention it.  ollie & i have been very lucky to have a lot of resources to help us out - nursing staff at the hospital, lactation consultant at ollie's doctor's office, breast feeding class instructor, and 2 moms in my life that breast fed their babies - and i've still found it really challenging.  every time that i think i've resolved our last problem, another issue arises.  most recently, i've been trouble shooting having too much milk.  this is annoying because just a couple of weeks ago, i was working to increase my milk supply for my ravenous little babe.

i guess i thought that i'd learn how to do it and that would be the end of it.  the reality is that it's been a learning process - problems arise and we've had to work through them.  hopefully, we're nearing the end of the learning process, but who knows?  soon, i'll have to go back to work and we'll need to figure out how to work more regular pumping into my schedule.

the problems are not insurmountable, but it's harder and more time consuming than i expected.


3. information can be helpful. or not.  

i read a few books in advance of ollie's arrival.  i took a child care class and a breast feeding class.  i talked to other moms and dads.  often, this information has helped me and logan as we've worked to figure out the parenting thing.  sometimes though, i wish that i didn't have the internet or baby 411 at my fingertips.  first, it's made me jump to conclusions.  for example, i've had some issues with my breasts.  when i googled the symptoms and referred to the books it seemed likely that i had thrush.  so i headed to the doctor, where i was assured that i was perfectly healthy.  that's when i was told that breast feeding can be painful for some people.  which brings me to the second reason that i don't always love having so much info: in general the books and the classes talk about average experience.  for example, all of the books say that breast feeding might hurt during the first couple of weeks, but then it does not hurt.  they go on to say that if you do experience pain then you're doing something wrong or there is something wrong with you.  but that's just not always true.  and i wish that the books would say that.

and sometimes they leave info out altogether.  for example, everyone talked about how quickly i would get my figure back if i breast fed.  frankly, that's not why i was breast feeding, but it seemed like a nice benefit.  what the books and people left out is that you actually feel your uterus contracting back into its original size.  it's not painful, but it's really bizarre:  every time i fed ollie, i felt my uterus contracting back into shape.  the process is pretty incredible; i could see my belly shrink every day.  i just didn't expect that i would feel it all happen.

i'm sure that there are more learnings to come.  :)

3 comments:

  1. I applaud your desire to breast feed despite pain and frustration. I induced lactation, which meant a bunch of hormones and pumping 7-8 times a day for 6 months BEFORE he was born. It was totally worth it though. So many women give up if it doesn't work perfectly the first few times or after the first few weeks. Kudos for the effort you are putting into it. You'll find that when you go back to work those few minutes you get alone to pump are a wonderful respite from your hectic life. The longer you can commit to it the better your baby's health will be in the long run.

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  2. So glad you started another blog. I look forward to seeing more pics of Ollie as he grows. Breastfeeding sucked (ha) for us too--it was never a relaxed, easy experience. And you are very clearly aceing motherhood--you just have to pick different test questions. Don't ask whether you made the perfect swaddle or if ollie is wearing clean clothes. Just ask--does Ollie know he is loved? and as long as that answer is yes, then you are totally aceing motherhood!

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  3. I really wish that there was a like comment on here like there is for facebook - because I want to super "like" Sophia's comment! Ollie definitely knows that he is loved (I saw it) and you are acing it! :)

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